A note to myself on my period

I started to write this on May 5th: 

I got my period the day after

This question constantly rings in my head: When do I give up? When do I throw in the towel? How long do I wait until someone notices the work I’m putting in? 

And I don’t have an answer. I don’t know. I feel like I have continuously circled this drain.

I’m frustrated, I’m ashamed, I’m embarrassed, and above all, I’m hurt….

I wrote this next section on May 8th:

It’s funny when you write something, feel something, or say something and then just let it simmer for a few days. 

So, I decided to write myself a letter as a reminder that these are just passing feelings. And I hope this helps someone else who goes through similar things.

Dearest self,

I know that right before you get your period, you get depressed, you become highly critical of yourself, and you become acutely aware of all of your failures.

I know this sucks.

I know that you feel like you did growing up, with no confidence, like the outsider, insecure.

I’m so sorry that you have to feel this way.

Also, know that you are allowed to feel this way.

Things don’t always have to be sunshine, rainbows, and roses.

You are a real person with real feelings.

And I am here to tell you that you are amazing.

You are beautiful.

You are successful.

I know that one’s the hardest pill for you to swallow, but you are. No one understands the amount of work you do except for me.

I see you.

And one day, you are going to get what you deserve.

And I’m so sorry that it hasn’t happened yet.

It’s not because you don’t deserve it. It’s because you live in a world that doesn’t deserve you.

So just keep going.

Keep on swimming.

And I promise eventually, the world will catch up.

So, let it out, watch a sad movie, bury your head under the blankets, and cuddle the cats, for tomorrow is a new day.

Love always,

Your Cycle Breaker

Emily *after your period*