Identity

Hey, Kitty cats!

Emily Here, I wanted to start this whole blog by discussing the idea of identity. What is it? How do we cultivate it? and how does it influence us?

Growing up my identity was solely based on the relationships I had with my family. Because of that, I Became shy like my brother Zachary, a drama queen like my brother Matthew, stubborn like my mother Gale, and emotional like my father steven.

Because of my family and all of their influential traits, I let myself stay in that box for a long time. I would befriend girls who took advantage of me, people who bullied me, and people who let me mirror their identity since I felt like I didn't have my own.

I was always the person other people wanted me to be because I was too scared to figure out who I truly was.

As I got older my role changed slightly. I became a magnet for people who needed help, whether it was family problems, eating disorders, you name it I attracted it. So instead of hiding behind someone with a big personality, I became the mother, the caretaker, and the best friend.

This identity followed me all the way through high school and into college. My nickname literally became "mom" and I joked with my college friends that they were my daughters. I held their hair when they got sick, I was the Designated driver for all the parties, the shoulder to cry on after break ups, and the meal maker.

All of this changed when I went to London where I studied abroad for 3 months. It was the first time I lived alone, it was the first time I had to figure out public transportation, and it was the first time where I was in a place that I didn't kn0w. This time in my life forced me to find out so much more about myself than just a nickname.

Of course, we have all been there, one step forward and two steps back. I found myself toeing the line between not caring what other people thought of me and still being the "mom" for most of my friends.

So now if you are still with me, let's fast forward a bit to grad school. I was Still the caretaker, but a caretaker to people who were fully developed humans, they didn't need me, but I still found the desire to be that one person anyone could turn to.

So, I guess the "Mom" identity was always a part of me.

I am still that same person now, but infinitely more accepting of who I always wanted to be and who i am today.

i am shy, i am stubborn, i am strong, i am emotional, i am a drama queen, i am a weirdo, i am loyal, i am honest, i am kind, and most of all i accept every part of me.

This is a lifelong journey we are all on, and the ride doesn't stop. I am 29 years old, and i finally feel like i have a handle on my identity. That doesn't mean i can't grow and evolve, because i plan to. But it does mean that i can let go of the things and people who were no longer serving me.

Remember we are able to cultivate our own identity. don't be afraid to show people who you really are, believe me the people that love you no matter what are the people worth your time.

Love your cycle half,

Emily