I want to start this off by saying we just finished recording an episode with Dr. Catalina, about sex and intimacy, and oh my goodness ya’ll are in for a treat.
I mentioned how I dress specifically in order to not be seen as a sexual object. And by that I mean, I am not wearing things that are too short, if I wear something that goes down to low, I put a camisole under it, because in the classroom I want to be looked at in a certain way. And to be honest, I want to be looked at a certain way in every aspect of my life, my style is a bit more modest, but that does not mean that I don’t feel sexy or happy in what I am wearing and how I express myself. Anyway, I know Dr. Catalina didn’t try and challenge my way of thinking maliciously, but because I have worked so hard on loving myself and expressing myself in fun and funky ways, it is a trigger for me. So, here I am now crying my eyes out with my face beet red trying to figure out why I am so upset. Even after the recording when Steph and I recorded the pre show I wanted to clarify what I said in the episode and said how I am proud of what I wear and my style. And I guess because my feelings were hurt I said it in a confrontational way, and I know future Emily will cut it out of the episode because I was speaking from a place of heightened emotion.
So, what is sexy? I just sometimes feel like other people have this idea that sexy is showing skin, being promiscuous, and wearing tight clothes. But that’s not who I am, and that is okay, I am still sexy, and I still feel sexy in what I wear. I love myself, and how I show up, and how I show off my body, I just don’t choose not to let my boobs hang out or wear short booty bearing skirts especially in a classroom setting. That doesn’t make me a prude, I just feel more comfortable and that is how I wish to show up.
But we live in a world where social media and our society has made everything so overtly sexual and just because I don’t line up with what society wants me to do to be “sexy” doesn’t lessen the person I am or the relationship I have with myself.
I think the reason I am so upset is because my girlfriends in college dressed very stereotypically sexy, they dressed to get the attention, and while at times I did the same, I never felt comfortable doing that. I also am always trying to never shame anyone else for how they wish to dress, so I think when I get questioned, I go from 0 to 100 real fast.
So I wanted to write this for the people out there who are okay with being sexy but still covering up. There is nothing wrong with that in my eyes, I am sexy, I love what I wear, but I choose to be sexy in a covered up way and that doesn’t make me a bad person and that doesn’t make me less of a person. I’m allowed to express myself the way I want and so are you.
Love always,
Your Cycle Breaker Emily
